Be brutally honest with your spouse.
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This comes in two parts. Part one: Submission isn’t about sitting back quietly and getting trampled on. It’s about assuming a position of self-sacrifice. And trusting the person, with whom you made a lifelong commitment, will hear from the Lord and act on what he has heard. It’s ok to voice what you need and what you want. Transparency works as a bonding agent. Healing comes when we stop pretending that we are ok. Stop pretending that we don’t get our feelings hurt. Often the words we don’t say scream louder than the ones we express.
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When I stuff my emotions, I am saying two things to my spouse. 1. I don’t trust that you can handle me at my most vulnerable or I don’t trust you to listen. 2. I don’t value our marriage enough to be forthright with you about where I am emotionally. If your spouse told you he didn’t trust you, you would feel like there is a divide between you, because there is!! And a divide in marriage is the playground of the enemy. Division never brings things closer together, but instead always further apart. Your vulnerable transparency closes the gap.
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Part two: Feel free to lead hard conversations with expectation. This is what I mean: Men are natural-born fixers. Doorbell breaks… I’ll fix it. Garbage disposal won’t run… I’ll fix it. Got a flat tire… I’ll fix it. So it isn’t a surprise that when we come to our spouse with an issue, he just wants to fix it. I’ve shared life, a home, and a bed with Jeff for almost 15 years and I still struggle to be completely honest about my feelings, especially when it comes to his words or actions that might have hurt me. I love him so much that I don’t want to create more hurt. So I end up stuffing it until I explode. It ain’t pretty my friends! I often hide my feelings from him because I don’t want to be fixed, I want to be heard. What I am working on in our marriage is to lead hard conversations with what I desire most out of it. Like this: “Babe, can we talk. I need to share something with you and I just want to be heard” or “Babe, I am having a hard time with XYZ, would you help me sort through my thought process.” When you are struggling, tell your husband if you just want to be heard or helped. Instead of getting mad at him for trying to “fix” you, he knows when to listen and when to speak.
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Also Read Ephesians 4:25 TPT, Ephesians 4:15a TPT, Colossians 4:6