The struggle is SO real!

My house is a mess. We’ve been up late every night for weeks. Kids are crabby, laundry is piled, floors need swept, filters need changed, fridge is empty, ball uniforms need washed... the list goes on and on and on. I’m utterly exhausted but I refuse to let myself say it out loud. Some twisted concept that if I ignore it, I will miraculously have energy.

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‘Yet my deepest desire is to connect with You, God. I never imaged getting to your feet would take an act of Congress but here I am crawling on my hands and knees, fighting for just a moment with you. When will I get more than a drive by scripture? When will I get to sit and worship and pray and cry (because crying is important for me)? When does time with you become easier?’

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Is it okay to leave my house dirty? If I asked you face to face of course you would say yes, but is it really? Do you judge my dirty car and unkept toenails? Do you trust that I’m literally doing the very best I can and my best may never be good enough but I just want to be at His feet. Even if nothing else gets done! My faith isn’t just a box to check like a snap streak. I NEED it to survive, just one touch from my Lord and I can move mountains. I might not be able to keep my kitchen clean but moving mountains is way more important, right?

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‘So I’ll stay here with you God. A moment longer. Even at the risk of being late. Even at the risk of upsetting my husband. Even at the risk of having to rush around later. Even at the risk of being judged by other moms/wives for the state of my home, children & car. Because I know I need more of you. And there is no substitute that will ever fulfill the way time with you does.’

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My house will wait. My soul won’t.